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A relationship develops over time and is influenced by each
partner’s values, interests, life experiences, and cultural,
religious, educational or family backgrounds and preferences.
Each partner's expectation of what the relationship should be,
and the roles each should play within it, is a significant influence.
The partners may be unaware of some of their expectations until
they are disappointed or a conflict surfaces in the relationship.
Often this occurs when the couple begins to live together, marry,
have children or one or both face significant life stress. The
partners may be astounded to discover that some of their expectations
of life as a couple are so far apart.
All relationships tend to encounter problems during stressful
periods and at different stages. Others may find that they are
continually unhappy with their relationship. Sometimes one partner
feels frustrated and misunderstood while his or her mate is totally
unaware of the situation.
Many couples only consider therapy as a last resort. It may however,
be helpful at any time, and sometimes seeking therapy soon after
problems surface prevents a buildup of frustration and disappointment.
The aim of couple therapy is not only to help the couple deal
appropriately with immediate problems, but also to achieve better
ways of relating in general. Couple therapy focuses on the problems
existing in the relationship between two people. But, these relationship
problems always involve individual symptoms and problems, as well
as the relationship conflicts. For example, if you are constantly
arguing with your spouse, you will probably also be chronically
anxious, angry or depressed (or all three). Or, if you have difficulty
controlling your temper, you will have more arguments with your
partner.
In couple therapy one identifies the conflict issues within the
relationship, and decides what changes are needed to feel satisfied
with the relationship. Couple therapy involves learning how to
communicate more effectively, and how to listen more closely.
Couples must learn how to avoid competing with each other, and
need to identify common life goals and how to share responsibilities
within their relationship.
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